By: Sharon Aron Baron

Although I’m on the national “Do Not Call List” it doesn’t prevent me from getting calls from greedy company’s posing as charitable organizations.

The charities usually have such recognizable names such as: The Police Benevolent Association, the Florida Highway Patrol Command Association, or the Breast Cancer Society. These are the type of charities that pull at our hearts, and one can’t help feeling like a cheapskate for not giving.

When I receive one of these calls, I listen to their spiel. Usually, the caller is a very persistent man on the other end of the line. I always ask them exactly how much money actually goes to the charity. You’ll be surprised at how little actually gets to the charity that they are raising money for. Case in point: 92 percent of all donations to the American Red Cross go to fund programs in their community. Doctors without Borders go to countries in the worst conditions and 89% goes to fund their mission. Oh yes, and these guys don’t call you.

Then you have the telemarketers.

I received a phone solicitation from a company called MPI, Midwest Publishing Inc., who was raising money for the FHP Command officers Association, which they said is a fundraising association for troopers. The man on the other end of the line said only 15 percent of any money they receive actually goes to this charity.

What was so amazing was that I posted this warning on one of my Facebook pages and I received this anonymous letter last night from someone at Midwest Publishing that seemed to have inside knowledge of their “boiler room” techniques.

Whether factual or not, it can only serve as a warning to residents here in the Woodlands to never to give money to any charities over the phone.

WARNING: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE:

I work for MPI. Our job is to take your money. If not your money, then your mother’s money, your grandmother’s money, your daughter’s money, etc. We don’t care if we have to lie to you to get your money. It’s true that we only give 15% or less to the charities we fund raise for. But who cares? They’re not doing it so what the hell do you expect. I’m trying to get a new car, my girlfriend needs some new shoes, and I have to stay flossin on these darkies. I’m writing this while drunk so I don’t care if you get mad and I run MPI so they’ll never fire me.

We operate at 1919 University Ave. in St. Paul, MN if any of you want to come see me. I have goons that work for me that will beat you to a bloody pulp. Most of the people that work for us have criminal records, so you don’t want to mess with us. We hire them to get a WOTC from the government. It really helps us save on payroll. I mean, I like some of those darkies, but they’re just to dirty to ever truly be my friend. The truth is, if they don’t make money for us, we get force them out. They are easily riled up, so all it takes is a little prodding to get them out the door.

Anyways, what we do is get a contract from some organization like the Florida Highway Patrol Command Association or the Nation Association of Chiefs of Police or a Breast Cancer Society. Cops are cool but they’re broke so they’ll take anything they can get in terms of funding. Breast Cancer people are the same way, they’re just so desperate for money that they allow us to fundraise for them. If communities were more involved in fundraising for these organizations, they wouldn’t turn to us. We give them 15% or less of everything we raise and our pledges start at $75, $50, or $35. We like to target the elderly, disabled, and retired because we just can’t get enough of those government checks. They put a nice chain on my neck and the bi****s love me. I love talking an old lady out of her social security check, it just brightens my day.

This old lady I talked to once gave me a sob story about how her husband had just died and that she was going through a foreclosure. Cry me a river. I guilt tripped her about the lives that would be lost and the children that would suffer if she didn’t donate to us. She ended up pledging $100, thanks to my charm. I love MPI, I get paid and there is nothing you losers can do to stop it. Quit complaining and let me get money. I understand that alot of you don’t like giving money to darkies, to be honest they only get paid $8/hour. I get paid way more than that so you’re not giving all of your money to darkies, you’re giving most of it to a very handsome guy.

Casey